I am very pleased where Edgebrook is going. I'm writing things I never planned in any of my outlines. It's scary, like shuffling through a dark room. I'm afraid of falling into plot holes that I won't be able to fix in revision or getting stuck at a dead end. But there are some pleasant surprises along the way--clearer glimpses into my characters' heads, exciting bits of dialogue. It's a learning experience.
I left Adam in the middle of an unexpected battle, and the last thing he did really shocked me. I didn't think he could be so vicious, but he saw Riley in danger and his feline instincts kicked in. I have a feeling that he might feel guilty after the dust settles. We'll see tomorrow....
Revisions are going slowly, but I'm not being so hard on myself. It's the holidays after all.
Merry Christmas!!!!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Dreams and Delusions
I have started revisions on Moonfire.
Actually I started several weeks ago. I wanted to be done with the darn thing by now. The process is daunting. I feel like I'm stumbling through a hurricane of random words grasping at them and crossing them out with no clue what works and what doesn't.
I've doubted my talent-- will anyone even read this? Am I any good at all? What if I can't make it as an author? Will I be working in a hardware store for the rest of my life? It's very scary. I see my mom worrying constantly about money. It's like a weight the size of an SUV bearing down on her. Will it be the same for me?
I see grown men and women flipping burgers or scrubbing tables, talking about the jobs they loathe, bosses they hate, bills they can barely pay. I can't help but wonder... did they want this? When they were little and their elementary school teachers asked them what they wanted to be was it all a cruel joke? Did that guy who made my sandwich at Subway want to be an astronaut? Or that woman who ran the check out at Walmart want to be a singer?
To me, further down the road, if I'm not living anything but my dreams, I'm living in a trap. I work in a hardware store for my uncle, he's a good boss, and I don't hate my co-workers, but there's still a restlessness there. I like my job-- most of the time :)-- but I like writing better. Sometimes it's a tug-o-war between the two and it leaves me at a loss. Will I lose sight of my dreams and be stocking the dollar aisle for the rest of my life? I hope not.
But as I'm revising Moonfire and my sentences don't sound like the other authors I read, I question myself. Am I really good? Do I have a future at all in the publishing world? The harder things get the more I wonder if I've only tricked myself into believing I stand a chance. Is this a legitimate dream, worth pursuing, or a delusion that will pass with time? We'll see.
On a side note: I turned 18!
Actually I started several weeks ago. I wanted to be done with the darn thing by now. The process is daunting. I feel like I'm stumbling through a hurricane of random words grasping at them and crossing them out with no clue what works and what doesn't.
I've doubted my talent-- will anyone even read this? Am I any good at all? What if I can't make it as an author? Will I be working in a hardware store for the rest of my life? It's very scary. I see my mom worrying constantly about money. It's like a weight the size of an SUV bearing down on her. Will it be the same for me?
I see grown men and women flipping burgers or scrubbing tables, talking about the jobs they loathe, bosses they hate, bills they can barely pay. I can't help but wonder... did they want this? When they were little and their elementary school teachers asked them what they wanted to be was it all a cruel joke? Did that guy who made my sandwich at Subway want to be an astronaut? Or that woman who ran the check out at Walmart want to be a singer?
To me, further down the road, if I'm not living anything but my dreams, I'm living in a trap. I work in a hardware store for my uncle, he's a good boss, and I don't hate my co-workers, but there's still a restlessness there. I like my job-- most of the time :)-- but I like writing better. Sometimes it's a tug-o-war between the two and it leaves me at a loss. Will I lose sight of my dreams and be stocking the dollar aisle for the rest of my life? I hope not.
But as I'm revising Moonfire and my sentences don't sound like the other authors I read, I question myself. Am I really good? Do I have a future at all in the publishing world? The harder things get the more I wonder if I've only tricked myself into believing I stand a chance. Is this a legitimate dream, worth pursuing, or a delusion that will pass with time? We'll see.
On a side note: I turned 18!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
