Angela and I

My characters are very real to me. 


If you ask anyone who really, really knows me well they've heard all about them. I know what they look like, what music they listen to, little personality quirks; I'm safe with them-- comfortable. And the more I write about them the more I get to know them, and the more they grow. 


I'm not as comfortable with the real world... Oh, the woes of an introvert. 


It may not seem like it, but when I'm around anyone who's not in my close inner circle, my 'pack,'  I retreat inside, hiding in my little shell like a turtle. Especially people my own age. Teenagers terrified me, even though I am one, and to an extent I still feel clumsy and awkward around my youth group, but something's been changing here lately. 


...I'm starting to be comfortable around kids my age.


Gasp! I never thought I could do that! I'm Daundra the loner, little kids and old people love me  (and I love them too), I suck at the whole friendship thing, and I do not trust people, because when you trust people they smile and act like they would do anything for you, then they stab you in the back and spread lies about you. 


At least that's what I used to think.


But I felt a change in Angela today, that seemed to change me too. She looked at Ornan, my newest, Scottish creation (who I absolutely adore!) and she saw him differently. She had a lot of preconceived judgements about him so she wrote him off, but today she saw that he wasn't who she thought. She opened herself up to the idea that she was wrong (a huge thing for Angela) and as I wrote through her eyes, my prose adapted and the atmosphere changed. Call it an epiphany, a revelation, whatever you want; it was something special. Something that had such a profound effect on Angela that it effected me too.   


Today, I was around kids my age and I felt like some of Angela's confidence rubbed off on me. I talked to people and acted weird, goofed up, but the whole time I didn't freak out about it. I interacted and I felt part of the pack. hehe <- Pun. 


I opened up, and exposed a part of my crazy self to my little piece of the world and my little piece of the world didn't kick me out. They still accepted me when I tried to be witty, and did strange things, when I used my real voice instead of my 'little girl' voice that I use when I'm nervous or intimidated. I felt more at ease in my own skin. I didn't feel like I had to be someone else. 


I can't wait to see what Angela will help show me tomorrow.






28,800 words 181 pages